So on Saturday night, I went ‘out out’ for the first time since having Isabella. I was really excited about it and felt it was long overdue as this past year has been pretty physically and emotionally draining. Last year I was going out at least 3 times a week without a second thought. I would get blind drunk and wake up somewhere extremely odd, full clothed with no money, keys or phone. I would find it hilarious watching snapchat stories, like being the starring role in a film you don’t remember making. My life changed very suddenly when I found out I was pregnant, along with my perspective and my priorities. I didn’t care about that stuff anymore, all I cared about was the little prawn lookalike growing in my belly, who stuck around against all the odds.
I had a really sick, nervous feeling in my stomach all day on Saturday. I felt nervous about leaving Isabella and nervous about going out as it had been so long. Once I was out, I had a really good time (despite checking my phone every 10 minutes to see if Isabella was okay). I only had 3 G&T’s and a pornstar martini so I would be nicely tipsy but not drunk drunk. I had to look after Bella the next day and didn’t want to be hungover, especially having not drank in a year. I think sometimes as a mum, you need a night to let your hair down and be you, not just a parent. It was a funny experience being out, as although it was exactly the same, my outlook is completely different. I used to look at guys and think ‘yeah you’re quite fit, we’ll see where that goes’ whereas now I ask myself ‘has he got what it takes to be the father of my next child? Probably not. Let’s move on’. Everyone is different when it comes to dating. Some people enjoy being in a relationship for the fun of it, however I’ve never seen the point unless I think it’s the real deal. I’d rather just be single than deal with the aggro which is probably why I haven’t been in a relationship in over 3 years.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m going over to people with a list of questions about their family medical history and possible honeymoon locations. However, subconsciously I know that I can’t waste time on man children with maturity and commitment issues. I’d never bring someone into Bella’s life unless I thought them worthy and that they could love her even half as much as I do. There is no mad rush to find baby daddy no.2 yet though as I’m just enjoying things at the moment.
The day after going out, I just expressed my milk off and gave Isabella a few bottles instead. I know all the breastfeeding mafia mums wouldn’t agree with that but who cares. I think I’m doing well still feeding at 6 months and it’s not that formula milk is bad for them, it’s just that breast milk is good. In my opinion, it’s better to have a life and have fun rather than do every single thing by the book. I felt slightly fragile yesterday and couldn’t deal with the crying quite as much but other than that I was fine.
I don’t regret those few wild years before having Isabella as I know it’s all out of my system now and I have some spectacular stories to tell my grandchildren. However, I know I won’t get drunk again in the way I used to. Hilarious as it was, I could’ve died way too many times. I have the sole responsibility of another human being now so I know nothing can happen to me. I know I’m going to be terrible with Isabella when she starts going clubbing as I know what goes on. Probably agreeing to pick her up at 4 am every Saturday like a massive pushover, just so I know she’s safe. She is going to be stunning and there are some creepy blokes out there.
If you can find someone you trust to babysit, I would definitely recommend having a night out. Even if it’s just to get dressed up and go for a few cocktails or a date night!